Monday, April 24, 2006
Everybody Has A Bad Day
Now and then, everybody has a bad day. Even my saintly grandmother must have had a bad day once in a while. I bet even Mother Theresa felt cross sometimes. It happens to everyone.
This past week, I got an email from someone that just rubbed me the wrong way. I let the writer know that I would have responded much better to a gentle reminder rather than a subtle threat. She was apparently offended by my response.
That interchange was not typical. I answer literally hundreds of emails per month (my rabbit is pregnant, my bunny won't eat, I bought a pet at the flea market, there's only one kit in the litter, etc.) and I try to be friendly and helpful whether the request for information is from a customer or friend, or whether it's from Singapore or Israel, from a pet owner or someone interested in showing.
But that one email rubbed me the wrong way. Maybe I was having a bad day.
Last summer, I had a bad day that landed on a rabbit show day. I'm sure people wondered why the things that bothered me did so. But it's not my typical way of spending a day at a rabbit show. Chalk it up to a bad day. We should all be entitled to go south every now and then without permanent repercussions.
A friend of mine ran into someone apparently having a bad day at the recent rabbit show. At least I hope we can chalk it up to a bad day. The thing is, only time will tell. Unless we have a history with someone, we really don't know whether this is atypical behavior - that is, just a bad day, or whether this person really acts like this on a consistent basis.
The best thing to do is act as if it is just a bad day and let it go. If you see the same sort of behavior on a consistent basis, then it may be best to avoid run-ins with that person.
Rabbit shows are wonderful things. I love them. They provide an opportunity to visit with friends, get away from your regular routine, play with bunnies all day, and perhaps experience the pride and pleasure of having your rabbits do well on the table.
But it's also a collection of people at various levels of rest, tolerance, stress, grace, excitement, competition, protectiveness, helpfulness, demanding attitudes, and so forth. And usually, we are crammed into a small area with conflicting expectations. Things are unfortunately ripe for an explosion.
I remember hearing people yelling at each other in the aisles at Convention last fall. Things really do erupt in a big way from time to time. When you are involved in such a situation, what can you do?
This past week, I got an email from someone that just rubbed me the wrong way. I let the writer know that I would have responded much better to a gentle reminder rather than a subtle threat. She was apparently offended by my response.
That interchange was not typical. I answer literally hundreds of emails per month (my rabbit is pregnant, my bunny won't eat, I bought a pet at the flea market, there's only one kit in the litter, etc.) and I try to be friendly and helpful whether the request for information is from a customer or friend, or whether it's from Singapore or Israel, from a pet owner or someone interested in showing.
But that one email rubbed me the wrong way. Maybe I was having a bad day.
Last summer, I had a bad day that landed on a rabbit show day. I'm sure people wondered why the things that bothered me did so. But it's not my typical way of spending a day at a rabbit show. Chalk it up to a bad day. We should all be entitled to go south every now and then without permanent repercussions.
A friend of mine ran into someone apparently having a bad day at the recent rabbit show. At least I hope we can chalk it up to a bad day. The thing is, only time will tell. Unless we have a history with someone, we really don't know whether this is atypical behavior - that is, just a bad day, or whether this person really acts like this on a consistent basis.
The best thing to do is act as if it is just a bad day and let it go. If you see the same sort of behavior on a consistent basis, then it may be best to avoid run-ins with that person.
Rabbit shows are wonderful things. I love them. They provide an opportunity to visit with friends, get away from your regular routine, play with bunnies all day, and perhaps experience the pride and pleasure of having your rabbits do well on the table.
But it's also a collection of people at various levels of rest, tolerance, stress, grace, excitement, competition, protectiveness, helpfulness, demanding attitudes, and so forth. And usually, we are crammed into a small area with conflicting expectations. Things are unfortunately ripe for an explosion.
I remember hearing people yelling at each other in the aisles at Convention last fall. Things really do erupt in a big way from time to time. When you are involved in such a situation, what can you do?
- Give up your right to have the last word. Even if you are the injured party, staying in the fight for the last word is never worth it.
- Ask yourself whether the person is really part of your life. It is important to resolve issues with people who are truly in your world. It is not nearly so important to resolve issues with people you have just casual contact with.
- Apologize for whatever you can honestly apologize for. "I'm sorry that this situation has upset you. It was never my intention to hurt anyone."
- Remember that not everything is really about what it seems to be about. Therapists talk about "presenting" issues. Those are the things that people think the conflict is about. That's the "he said, she did" stuff. But the real issues are usually something else. Sorting out the presenting issues usually really doesn't matter. If a person is a high-controller, too competitive, or unforgiving, pointing out how they were wrong in the situation probably won't make a difference.
- Think about the children who are watching the situation and remind yourself to make the best of things for their sake. You probably care more about the children than you do about winning this argument anyway.
- Say out loud, "We are not going to agree on this."
- Ask, "What is it that you want?" Often people just want to gripe and complain. If you ask them what will make it right, they don't have an answer.
- Don't be too hard on yourself when you don't remember any of the above. Situations like these come out of the blue and you do not have time to prepare.
So the bottom line is this: we are all just people, imperfect and bound to disappoint each other from time to time. Unless someone has made it a habit to cause problems, be sure to allow for a bad day, minimize the situation, and be willing to move on.
Laurie Stroupe
The Nature Trail Rabbitry
Holland Lops Of Distinction
Precious Pet Rabbits
Pet Rabbit Care Information, Quality Pet Rabbit Breeders, and Rabbit Fun
