Thursday, May 04, 2006
Grieving
I received an email from a breeder today who found one of her favorite rabbits has really bad malocclusion. She's made the tough decision to put him down. I feel for her. It's always difficult to make the decision to put a rabbit down, but even more so when you are especially close to the bunny.
I admit, some of the rabbits in my barn are just members of a herd. Others are my special bunnies. I love them. I look forward to seeing them. And I know that I will suffer and grieve whenever they die. Given their lifespans and mine, I will go through this many times in the coming years.
One of the things I hate to hear from breeders starts with, "I know it's silly to feel this way, but . . ." Don't ever write that to me, please. If you think it's silly for you to be sad over the loss of a favorite rabbit, then you think my feelings are silly, too. And they are not.
I realize that breeders' feelings for their herds and for some of their individual rabbits runs the gamut from the practical to the extremely emotional. It's possible that those on the most pratical side will suffer less when an important rabbit dies (though they will certainly feel disappointment and perhaps discouragement), but they may enjoy the rabbit-breeder relationship a bit less, too. So it's a trade off.
You might think that you can choose where on the continuum you will operate, but I doubt you can do it. You are who you are. If you feel the losses deeply, that's just who you are. The upside is that you have an increased ability to feel the bunny love, too.
If you are just getting started with rabbits, take heart. It does get a little easier with time. This works in two ways.
First of all, with the death of kits and newborn litters, you learn to expect a certain amount of loss. I suffered immensely when my first newborn kits died. I felt awful the first time a doe had a dead litter. But I take most of that more in stride now; it's a normal part of breeding. It's expected and I know that I can get over it. Mostly, that is. There are still two dead litters that haunt me. So I'm not immune to being upset about it at all.
The other way that time helps is that you grieve the loss of your rabbits and you learn over time how to do that more effectively. You benefit from the experience of having successfully grieved in the past. I can still get into touch with the feelings I had at the loss of certain special rabbits, but it doesn't hurt as much as it did the day I found each of them dead. Knowing how I dealt with those deaths will help me with future ones.
Of course, I know I have much bigger losses ahead of me than I have behind. I'm sure you don't want to see me on the day I lose Rio or May or Merlin!
So accept yourself for who you are. Know that your feelings aren't silly. They are real and you are entitled to feel them. Also realize that your ability to handle the loss of rabbits will improve somewhat over time. And know that when you lose that special bunny, you have my sympathy.
Laurie Stroupe
The Nature Trail Rabbitry
Precious Pet Rabbits
Affordable Web Site Design
¶ 9:31 AM
I admit, some of the rabbits in my barn are just members of a herd. Others are my special bunnies. I love them. I look forward to seeing them. And I know that I will suffer and grieve whenever they die. Given their lifespans and mine, I will go through this many times in the coming years.
One of the things I hate to hear from breeders starts with, "I know it's silly to feel this way, but . . ." Don't ever write that to me, please. If you think it's silly for you to be sad over the loss of a favorite rabbit, then you think my feelings are silly, too. And they are not.
I realize that breeders' feelings for their herds and for some of their individual rabbits runs the gamut from the practical to the extremely emotional. It's possible that those on the most pratical side will suffer less when an important rabbit dies (though they will certainly feel disappointment and perhaps discouragement), but they may enjoy the rabbit-breeder relationship a bit less, too. So it's a trade off.
You might think that you can choose where on the continuum you will operate, but I doubt you can do it. You are who you are. If you feel the losses deeply, that's just who you are. The upside is that you have an increased ability to feel the bunny love, too.
If you are just getting started with rabbits, take heart. It does get a little easier with time. This works in two ways.
First of all, with the death of kits and newborn litters, you learn to expect a certain amount of loss. I suffered immensely when my first newborn kits died. I felt awful the first time a doe had a dead litter. But I take most of that more in stride now; it's a normal part of breeding. It's expected and I know that I can get over it. Mostly, that is. There are still two dead litters that haunt me. So I'm not immune to being upset about it at all.
The other way that time helps is that you grieve the loss of your rabbits and you learn over time how to do that more effectively. You benefit from the experience of having successfully grieved in the past. I can still get into touch with the feelings I had at the loss of certain special rabbits, but it doesn't hurt as much as it did the day I found each of them dead. Knowing how I dealt with those deaths will help me with future ones.
Of course, I know I have much bigger losses ahead of me than I have behind. I'm sure you don't want to see me on the day I lose Rio or May or Merlin!
So accept yourself for who you are. Know that your feelings aren't silly. They are real and you are entitled to feel them. Also realize that your ability to handle the loss of rabbits will improve somewhat over time. And know that when you lose that special bunny, you have my sympathy.
Laurie Stroupe
The Nature Trail Rabbitry
Precious Pet Rabbits
Affordable Web Site Design
¶ 9:31 AM
